I went to watch the movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
I wanted to find out why it elicited so much interest in women of all ages, middle-aged women included.
The Fifty Shades of Grey summary goes like this: Anastasia, a student, goes to interview the rich Christian and there is attraction at first sight between the two.
In the movie Anastasia is a normal girl who presents herself as a naive, nice good girl. Anastasia is really not a ball-busting scary masculine woman; rather, she is nice and sweet.
When she – as an attracted woman does – begins to give Christian “relationship-seeking signals” he goes: “I do not do girlfriends” and he introduces her to his Master world.
What I found out actually did not surprise me that much. It also made me laugh a bit.
The guy who is supposed to be the “Master” of this sadomasochistic relationship is actually pretty much a nice guy and even a Mom’s boy. He would not scare even my cats.
Obviously female interest for the movie comes again out of the main conflict of the modern woman: how to be dominated by a man without actually being dominated. We are far, very far from the figure of dominant males living in the world of our fathers and grandfathers.
The unspoken agreement in the movie is that Christian is to Anastasia a Master that is not really a real Master, and over time she very quickly holds the cards.
Like many modern men he is assumed to be a Master while not really being one.
As things go on this guy is actually not even able to face her first drama outbursts and falls in love – totally emasculated – at the first signs of her emotional up and downs.
The facts are that Christian is actually pretty much a nice guy and cannot hold the psychological pressure connected with being with a feminine woman, in spite of all his ropes and handcuffs. If we compare him to the Master shown in Lars von Trier’s movie Nymphomaniac he really looks like a baby in comparison.
Female interest for the nice guy of Fifty Shades of Grey fulfills the secret ambivalent desire of the modern woman and gives her a chance of never even trying to solve it: a dominant man who is not “really dominant”.
The huge interest shown tells of one of the main conflicts existent in the modern female mind between submissive female sexuality and the war between genders, and a question comes to my mind: are the women aroused by the movie actually able to enjoy sex with a man who is strong and masculine but without ropes and handcuffs?
The interest comes from an attempt to solve a gender political conflict on the level of sadomasochistic sexuality: “How can I enjoy my sexuality with a man but in a way in which I do not need to take any responsibility for my openness and sexual receptiveness myself?”
“How can I feel the thrill of being dominated by a man but so that I am not openly asking for it?”
So what better than “forceful sexual receptiveness” to solve that conflict with a man who is only a “fake” Master?
What better than getting a nice guy to fulfill that role? He is so nice and he… forces me into sex!
The hidden desire of the modern woman: a nice guy who forces her into sexual receptiveness.
Personally I do not like S&M forceful sex. No judgmental attitude intended: it is a matter of taste. I understand that it can be a fun hobby for many.
I think that a heterosexual healthy male likes to feel that the woman is sexually receptive to him by her own will and desire. Having her mind and body is far more fulfilling than having “only the body”.