You have heard this so many times.
You probably have heard your wife or your girlfriend saying this to you, or worse…your lover saying this when talking about her former husband or boyfriend.
This statement sounds like these, or a version of them:
“Men do not talk about feelings; they do not express emotions.”
“You know, he is a man, he can’t speak about emotions.”
This one I heard recently while having a coffee break with a beloved girlfriend of mine:
“Men are such simple creatures.”
Is this true?
Well, I am not that sure…
After having read this article, you will – as a man – feel much better about the topic of “expressing feelings” and being a man.
I am about to take away some useless guilt and shame from you guys.
A broader look into what “expressing feeling and emotions” really means would reassure many of you, and that is why I am willing to share this with you.
So, let’s first have a look into what “expressing feelings” really is.
At the simplest level, our mind works so that the emotional part of the brain “feels emotions”, and the logical part of it – where the centers for the verbal expression reside – puts the emotions into words.
Proper expression of feelings does not depend on how much we talk.
It depends mainly on how well we use words much more than how much we talk.
Words are a quite imperfect way of expressing emotions.
Richard Bandler was very well aware of this when he wrote that, “language is a quite poor instrument for describing inner experience.”
Now we have more than one way of demonstrating our own inability to express emotions.
One way is – due to the anti-male propaganda so present in the media in many western countries – much better known:
It is silence.
When we are not sure about our inner emotional experience, we may simply be silent.
This is the way preferred by men: silence, but….it really does not mean that there aren’t feelings there!
There is another less known way of showing total inability to express feelings, and that is drama.
Drama is basically the same as being hysterical on the level of verbal expression of emotions.
Mainly due to intensive emotional “highs” and “lows”, a person may use 5000 words in a totally chaotic way to describe what could be expressed precisely with just 10 words well put into place!
This second alternative is the way women may demonstrate their inability to express feelings.
Now, the next time you are blamed of being a man who is not able to express his emotions, just say..
“Do you mean precise expression of emotions, or something else?” then hug her and go on about your business.
High Status Man